Some churches have disagreements over matters of consequence — doctrine, governance, or leadership. This article is not about such cases.
We’ve encountered some strange reasons for church conflict.
- There was the time a church fought over the appropriate length of the pastor’s beard.
- Or the case of a church fighting over whether to build a children’s playground or to use the land for a cemetery.
- We witnessed a conflict over people leading worship with their eyes closed during a portion of the song.
- One church held two business meetings to determine which weed-eater to purchase.
- Lastly, a church had a 70% affirmative vote to excommunicate a deacon who threatened to kill the pastor. The running joke was, “30% of this congregation wants the pastor dead.”
Some of these examples may seem petty. Well, they are. And all of them could have been avoided. Just about every church has multiple examples of fights over inconsequential matters. What leads to this point? The problem is too pervasive to ignore.
Conflict over trivial matters, especially in churches, usually isn’t really about the trivial matter at all. I took a deep dive into hundreds of our consultations and coaching relationships. Here is what I discovered.
The surface issue masks a deeper issue. When a church fights over what color the carpet should be, it’s rarely about the carpet. It’s often about control, influence, or feeling heard. The “small” issue becomes a safe battlefield to fight a “bigger” but unspoken issue.
Emotional over-investment in traditions. In churches, even small traditions — like a particular classroom arrangement, holiday programming, or decorations — can carry deep emotional meaning. Changing them feels like erasing history, dishonoring past generations, or disrupting personal identity. While people should not devote so much emotional energy to these things, they do.
Low-trust environments amplify small problems. In a high-trust church, a minor disagreement can be handled with grace. In a low-trust environment, every decision is suspect, so even small changes are viewed through the lens of fear and skepticism.
The “last straw” phenomenon. A trivial issue sometimes becomes the breaking point after years of built-up frustration. People channel all their pent-up irritation into one minor conflict because it feels more manageable than addressing the deeper, messier problem.
Displaced conflict. Members may have personal frustrations (marriage, work stress, health issues) that they subconsciously displace onto church matters. The church becomes the arena where unrelated tension spills over. We see this a lot with people who are upset about progress in their professional careers. They can’t yell at their boss, so they take it out on their pastor.
Personal identity is intertwined with church identity. Churches are deeply tied to people’s sense of community and spiritual identity. Even small changes can feel like a threat to “who we are” as a church family, or “who I am” as a person, so people defend the status quo passionately.
Small matters are easier to argue about. Fighting over what to call small groups is easier than addressing gossip. Debating a budget line item is safer than confronting a broken relationship. Minor issues become proxy battles for bigger but harder conversations.
Every church will experience a fight over something trivial. The problem is not in an argument over carpet color, beard length, or weed-eater purchases. The danger lies in the erosion of trust that occurs when trivial disputes multiply over time and are left unresolved. How can the small stuff stay small? The health of a church is revealed not in the absence of disagreements, but in how those disagreements are handled with humility, grace, and a shared desire to glorify God above all else.
Satan doesn’t need big issues to divide a church — just small ones left unchecked.
Originally published at Church Answers.
Sam Rainer is president of Church Answers and pastor at West Bradenton Baptist Church in Florida.
