SAME-SEX blessings are firmly back on the agenda of the Church in Wales, which introduced a liturgy in 2021 to run for an experimental five-year period.
That authorisation period runs out in September 2026. Three options are now on the table for the Governing Body (GB): to let the current liturgy lapse, and therefore be unavailable for use; to make it a permanent rite; or to move towards equal marriage.
It was important enough to devote a whole morning of the two-day meeting in Newport for what the Bishop of Llandaff, the Rt Revd Mary Stallard, made very clear was not to be a debate, but a listening exercise without comment or censure. The ground rules were clear: speakers were to speak from the heart and not in reaction to anything said by a previous speaker. It was not a competition. There was to be no applause. Speakers were advised, “Count to 30 in your head before you speak. . . It may feel awkward but it is sometimes in the awkwardness that we hear God’s voice.”
There were 27 speakers, predominantly clergy. The Dean of Newport, the Very Revd Ian Black (Monmouth), said that the rite must be made permanent: it would be pastorally “unthinkable” to end what had been decided in 2021. “Extending it to marriage would take us into complex territory, touching what it is to be human. We have already decided the biblical and theological case. You don’t trial what you think is theological anathema.” Marriage had not been static, he said: there was a time when a woman was a chattel to be handed over.
For Isaac Olding (Swansea & Brecon), the possibility of procreation was what made a relationship a marriage; for Lacey Jones (Co-opted), inclusivity and openness to all meant “affirming people, honouring the relationship, and walking alongside them in faith and community. . . This not about changing scripture but re-reading it.”
No data had yet been released on the uptake of same-sex blessings, but anecdotal evidence suggested that it had been minimal. “At what cost?” asked the Revd James Griffiths (Llandaff). “Every denomination that has done it has seen decline: 35 per cent in the US Episcopal Church; 29 in Canada, and 40 in the Scottish Episcopal Church. . . No growing church has accepted same-sex marriage.”
The Revd Robert Moore (St Davids) described the blessing of his civil marriage as “a moment of profound grace of complete inclusion. But a blessing is not a marriage.” A marriage rite would allow the Church to name its expectations of same-sex couples: “Marriage is something deep, a covenant, a sacrifice. Covenants mark a great turning point of God’s story.”
Canon Andrew Lightbown (Monmouth) acknowledged sexual complexity in his own family life. “We are talking about a pastoral response that is nothing more than life or death. When we are unable to own and celebrate our identity; when it cannot be rightfully acknowledged in terms of liturgical rites, the consequences are life or death. It is that simple. . . You can’t fudge equality. God is not ‘a bit’ just, he is just just.”
The Revd Geraint John (Llandaff) had had several conversations about same-sex blessings with those who wanted to await a significant anniversary when they could come and celebrate their civil partnership. He pointed out, “Before1998 [when a divorced person could marry in church], I could not have married the woman I love and married two years ago. I support full and equal marriage regardless of sexuality or gender. It will take potentially a generation and more to build trust.”
The Archdeacon of St Asaph, the Ven. Andy Grimwood (St Asaph), was “proud to be an Anglican, deliberately Anglican, a member of the Church in Wales. . . It pains me, the Church in Wales position within the wider Anglican Communion, where over 75 per cent still uphold the particular tradition of marriage. I’m grieved the Church in Wales is prepared to forsake its place in the Anglican Communion.”
The Revd Ruth Coombs (Llandaff) said, “People on all sides are debating the impact of the Supreme Court ruling on the definition of sex which still resonates across the UK. There is a lot of uncertainty, a lot of anxiety.” Her own marriage, 32 years ago, had had to be a civil one, blessed: “It was indeed a blessing, but at no time has anyone said, let no one put asunder my marriage. We cannot take away what we have already given.”
The Archdeacon of Carmarthen, the Ven. Matthew Hill (St Davids), said: “We are not always talking within common agreed terms of reference. We are dealing with two different pictures of reality that can’t be conflated into one. Marriage is a contracted tradition where it is a sacrament and indissoluble and open to procreation. . . It may not be possible to come to a common mind on this or to live in common together, but it doesn’t mean we can’t live in charity with one another.”
The Revd Matt Davies (Monmouth) was the only cleric in his team who would conduct same-sex blessings. “My church members in their traditional Valleys town were almost overwhelming [in saying] yes, they were comfortable with blessings. They were seen as a way of welcoming something in. But when the question of marriage came up, it scared people.”
Canon Ian Yemm (Llandaff) reminded the governing body that the Church in Wales was legally allowed to marry people who were not baptised. He had met his husband in 2003, had a civil partnership in 2008, and was ordained in 2020. “I couldn’t be more proud of the Church to which I now belong — a wonderful place to be a gay priest. It’s just been an absolute joy.”
The Archdeacon of St Davids, the Ven. Mones Farah (St Davids), had found the whole debate “painful and difficult. So much pain, in whatever direction we go.” He had welcomed into his large extended family, a young boy born to same-sex partners, “totally loved by everybody and loving everybody. Our highest calling is to love one another.”
“My partner is here with our child,” the Revd Ruth Rowan (Monmouth) said. “It feels like our relationship is under attack. Freedom of discernment has to cut both ways. We are called here to make our life together. We deeply believe we are called to be married to one another. This is our faithful discernment. We are civilly partnered, which we consider to be a long betrothal process. We are called to speak something afresh.”
Sir Martin Donnelly (Swansea & Brecon) recalled the “flourishing” that had come when colleagues in the Civil Service had been “allowed to express themselves as the people they were. . . I believe it is right to go for the marriage of couples who meet the same criteria as other marriages.”
The Archdeacon of Llandaff, the Ven. Rod Green (Llandaff), was conflicted. He found both views “coherent and compelling”, though confessed himself “nervous of puritans on both sides of the debate. What we have done here in Wales is a model for the Anglican Communion,” he said. “Let’s make permanent the rites we have already put in place.”
Della Nelson (Llandaff) suggested, “We will not be acting rationally if we have no data or information.” She suggested a fourth option: “Extend the trial so we can conduct ourselves in a manner beyond reproach. Let’s be humble and admit God is the final authority.”
The Archdeacon of Wrexham, the Ven. Hayley Matthews (St Asaph), described the Bible as “a library of many voices. The undergirding trajectory of the people of Israel was to procreate a bigger nation in order to survive. It breaks my heart when people say I am unspiritual or do not love the Lord. Go for option three.”
The Revd Mark Thomas (Swansea & Brecon) wanted “to seek a common mind and as much unity as we can”. For Leoni Oxenham (Monmouth), “Now is the time to demonstrate to all that Jesus’s radical love looks like.” Would the Church “continue to be a safe place for those who can’t support blessings or marriage because they are not called to do that”, wondered Hannah Wilkinson (St Davids).
Canon Rana Khan (Swansea & Brecon) had his spiritual upbringing in the Church of Pakistan, and took the ecclesiology of the wider Anglican Communion. He emphasised the importance of keeping companion links with the Anglican Communion.
Hannah Rowan (Monmouth) said, “I haven’t found today very safe at all, here with my partner and our baby. I’ve been listening hard, but it’s hard to have no right of reply.” There was already huge pain around denying the sacrament to some. “It hurts hugely we’re not able to be married, to be offered a pretend marriage.
“I would be profoundly sad if the mind of the Governing Body was to not rock the boat. It’s not a ‘thing’. Let’s not pretend we can be sort of married. Anglicanism is a broad Church. I don’t want to be married by someone who doesn’t think I can be married.”
Canon John Connell (Monmouth) remembered that, before 2021, “we had to tell [couples] to go to the Methodist church in Newport. . . We need to be authorised for the equality of equal marriage.”
Members wrote their views anonymously on cards, following table discussion, to help guide the bishops’ discussion at the Bench meeting in October, where they will work out the next steps.
