Waiting for Mr. Right who manages money well

Dear Chuck,

I’m a 28-year-old professional female, a committed Christian, and single. Although I date occasionally, I am in a waiting pattern for the right man. So many of my friends say I am too picky, but I want to marry a man who knows how to manage money well so we have financial security. What is the best way to know if they are good with money?

Looking for Mr. Right

Dear Looking for Mr. Right,

While you have a great general idea, I am so grateful that Ann and I got married in spite of my financial shortcomings. We married in December 1979, during our senior year in college. It took us 21 years to get on the same page financially. We had our share of struggles over money, but our commitment to the Lord and one another enabled us to stand against the storms.

I will give you some guidelines but remember this: the world will use anything to subvert marriage and strong families. Our enemy definitely wants to prevent Christians from marrying, having children, and filling the world with more Christ followers!

The capstone model vs. the cornerstone model

Like you, many couples want to have their finances in order and certain goals met before getting married. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal addresses how marriage seems to increasingly be for the “affluent:”

The idea of both parties waiting to build a career or wealth before tying the knot is called a capstone model of marriage. It has replaced the “cornerstone” approach, where couples married in their early 20s and worked together to meet financial goals: buying a home, building a nest egg, and progressing in careers. Brad Wilcox, sociology professor at the U of VA and fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, says, “You achieve a measure of success educationally and professionally before you put a ring on it.” It’s what’s driving up the age at which people are first married or postponing it all together [sic].

Kasen Stephensen at the Institute for Family Studies writes that the capstone model comes with two major risks:

• Assuming that success can be established before marriage.
• Biological and social deadlines converge in the early 30s. 

He cites a study showing that merging bank accounts actually increases marital satisfaction. Couples fight less about money and are more satisfied with how finances are handled. 

“By seeking marriage earlier rather than postponing it indefinitely, you’re creating the opportunity to dance through life’s challenges and triumphs with someone who loves you, supports you, and helps you grow.”

Marriage is good for women

A recent survey of American women conducted by the Institute for Family Studies and YouGov concluded that marriage and children are both good things. They found that married women are happier than unmarried women, and married mothers are the happiest of all. They report:

• Being less lonely.
• Receiving more affection.
• Having a greater sense of purpose.

Marriage is good for men

Another recent article explains why marriage is good for men. The data cited points to married men as:

• Financially more secure.
• More productive, working harder and smarter.
• Happier.
• Healthier.

Marriage and Charlie Kirk

Charlie wrote on Instagram, “Having a family will change your life in the best of ways, so get married and have kids. You won’t regret it.” He was a powerful influencer, and I hope many young adults listen to his advice.

Look for these qualities in a future spouse

A foundation based on Deuteronomy 6:5 is necessary in marriage: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Cement it with Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” In a future spouse, look for someone who:

• Reads and believes the Bible.
• Works as unto the Lord.
• Tracks spending and knows how to live on a budget.
• Saves money.
• Is content with little.
• Gives generously.
• Serves others.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:4–5 ESV).

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22 ESV)

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3 ESV)

It is time young adults recognize the lies because statistics verify the great benefits of marriage. They must recognize the world’s idols they have fallen for and repent: sex outside of marriage (sexual sin in general), financial “success,” and the freedom to pursue self-interests without the “burden” of a family.

I hope pastors and parents will counter the lies of the world by modeling the beauty of marriage. Fertility rates are dropping. Young adults cannot assume they will have a lot of money and a family if they postpone marriage for years and years.

Financial security is a worthwhile goal, but don’t let it stop you from finding God’s best for your future spouse! Faith and character are more important than money. With those two traits, a couple can learn to handle money wisely while married.

Here are some extra articles that may be helpful:

Crown has many beneficial resources regarding family and finances. From podcasts and videos to courses and calculators, let Crown encourage you as you pursue a godly marriage.