Many, many Americans are perplexed by why so many of their fellow countrymen find it difficult to grasp and understand the model for Christian marriage that is outlined in Holy Scripture.
One reason is that historically in Western culture, the true biblical model as laid out in the New Testament has been so often ignored, misinterpreted, misapplied and used to perpetuate male hierarchy in practice.
In order to properly practice Christian marriage, we must first understand the true Christian biblical model. In order to hit the target, we must first have the right target defined.
First, for a husband and a wife to have a Christian marriage, both partners need to be professing Christians. A true Christian is someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior, having accepted His sacrifice on the cross for their sins, confessed that they are sinners and have asked Jesus to forgive them and to live in their hearts, and they are trusting Him and Him alone for their eternal salvation.
Christian husbands are commanded to love (agape) their wives as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. Only genuine Christian men are capable of loving their wives with the sacrificial agape love (a fruit of the Holy Spirit in a believer’s life, Gal. 5:22), which is defined so eloquently in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians.
A non-Christian is never going to be able to fulfill the agape “in-spite-of,” sacrificial, servant-oriented love commanded by the New Testament. Only a Christian in whom the Holy Spirit resides can fulfill that command. Furthermore, it has been my observation in what is now a 64-year ministry that only genuinely Christian wives in whom the Holy Spirit resides are capable of consistently putting themselves under the authority of their own husbands as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22).
At this point, I feel compelled to say that, having pastored or interim pastored more than a dozen churches during my ministry, I have seen men who have become Christians who, through sacrificially loving their wives as Christ loved the church, led their wives to become born-again, spirit-indwelt Christians, and experience the transformation in their partners’ lives.
Conversely, I have also seen Christian wives who have attempted to fulfill their new roles as Christian wives in such a way that it led to their husbands becoming born-again, spirit-indwelt Christians.
It should also be pointed out that, as a Baptist, I believe in a “free church in a free state.” In other words, when people attempt to have a Christian marriage with the complementary roles of husband as servant leader and the wife as a partner submitting to her husband’s authority, they do so voluntarily, not from any coercion by the government.
Also, the wife is to put herself under the authority of her own husband as unto the Lord.
A wife is not under any other man’s authority, just her husband’s.
It must also be understood that the husband’s position of authority is not a position of privilege, but it is a position of responsibility and sacrificial service. If a Christian home is not functioning as God would desire for it to function, God is going to hold the husband responsible. He is the spiritual leader of the family.
I have had colleagues challenge me on husband headship by saying that if the husband and wife cannot agree, then the person who should make the decision is the one to which the issue is most important to them. What if you can’t agree on that? Sometimes a decision has to be made, and when you cannot agree, it is the husband’s responsibility to make the decision after the wife has had the opportunity to give all the input she desires.
For example, back when the original Salk polio vaccine came out in the early 1950’s, my younger brother and I (8 and 5 at the time) were scheduled to get the polio shot at our elementary school. We lived in the high polio area (Houston), and if you did not get the shot on your scheduled day at school, it was going to be several months before individual pediatricians would have the shot.
In the understandable rush to get the Salk vaccine out, some children received “live doses” and contracted polio. My mother did not want us to get the shot, and my father did. One of them had to sign the permission slip for us to get the shot. To my parents’ credit, they sent my brother and me outside while they discussed the issue. However, it was before air conditioning, the windows were open, and my brother and I caught the gist of the discussion. It was the first time I can remember my parents raising their voices to each other.
It was unusually quiet at dinner that night, and as my brother and I were preparing for bed (we shared a bedroom), my brother asked me, “Richard, are we getting that shot tomorrow?”
I replied, “I don’t know!”
The next morning, it was unusually quiet at breakfast, and then my father (who was a welder and who worked for an hourly wage) took time off from work and, for the only time I can remember, took us both to school and handed in the signed permission slip for us to receive the vaccine.
When I was an adult, I asked my dad about that episode, and asked, “Do you remember that?”
He said, “You better believe it! I prayed, please don’t let these boys get polio. If they do, their mother will kill me!”
The point of the story is that a decision had to be made, and they both understood that it was my father’s responsibility to make the decision.
In my marriage, my wife and I have faced four situations in 54 years where a decision had to be made, and we could not agree on what should be done. We now agree that I was right twice and I was wrong twice.
I once bought a house my wife had not seen (it was going up 15% the next day!). My wife finally agreed that I made the right decision five years later when we sold the house for a little more than twice what we paid for it.
The only place where the Bible teaches wifely submission is in the home. It in no way precludes women from holding office in government or business. The only reason it would not be allowable for a woman to be in a position of authority in the secular world would be if her husband did not want her to do it.
Next week: “Women’s role in the church”
Dr. Richard Land, BA (Princeton, magna cum laude); D.Phil. (Oxford); Th.M (New Orleans Seminary). Dr. Land served as President of Southern Evangelical Seminary from July 2013 until July 2021. Upon his retirement, he was honored as President Emeritus and he continues to serve as an Adjunct Professor of Theology & Ethics. Dr. Land previously served as President of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission (1988-2013) where he was also honored as President Emeritus upon his retirement. Dr. Land has also served as an Executive Editor and columnist for The Christian Post since 2011.
Dr. Land explores many timely and critical topics in his daily radio feature, “Bringing Every Thought Captive,” and in his weekly column for CP.
