(LifeSiteNews) — A new study from the Pew Research Center analyzing survey data from the University of Michigan revealed a conclusion that has many stunned: Twelfth-grade girls are less likely to say they want to get married than 12th-grade boys.
I say “many” because I was not surprised in the least — and those who are shocked are clearly unaware of the extent to which ubiquitous violent and degrading internet pornography has transformed the dating landscape for teens today.
“The drop in the share of 12th graders who say they want to get married reflects shifting views among girls,” the study states. “Boys are more likely than girls to say they want to get married someday (74% vs. 61%), but this wasn’t always the case. In 1993, a larger share of girls (83%) than boys (76%) said they wanted to get married.”
In conclusion, “The share of boys saying this is virtually unchanged over the 30-year period. But the share among girls dropped by 22 percentage points.”
As Dr. Brad Wilcox, author of the groundbreaking 2023 book Get Married, noted, this is a serious problem for many reasons. “This is ‘disastrous’ because, scientifically speaking, married women are doing much better than unmarried women,” he wrote. “Married mothers have 10 times the assets in midlife, are half as lonely, and nearly twice as likely to be ‘very happy’ compared to single, childless women.”
The immediate response on social media by pundits and “influencers” was, of course, to blame the trend on feminism, following the pattern of shoehorning the new data into their Very Online project of restoring “patriarchy” and “repealing the 19th Amendment,” with more than a little blood-curdling misogyny tossed in for good measure. None noted that perhaps girls, growing up in a pornified culture in which the question “What is a Woman?” has been answered by Pornhub,” are increasingly afraid of marriage.
Erika Bachiochi touched on this recently in an insightful essay titled “More Young Women Will Pursue Family Life If Good Men Step Up.” Bachiochi affirms many of the complaints about both young men and young women and notes, “What I believe we are experiencing in real time is the post-Christian degeneration of the sexes.” Bachiochi also notes something that I have observed and heard countless times in high schools, on campuses, and in churches:
I do not think enough of us appreciate just how frightening porn itself is to young women, or how frightening to women the men are who have been malformed by it. Or frankly, how frightening is the rhetoric of those extremely online right-wing male provocateurs who too often talk as though the proper relation between the sexes is one of domination and submission instead of reciprocity, collaboration, and care.
As I wrote earlier, she is precisely right. Bachiochi notes the horrifying phenomenon of girls attempting to literally escape their femininity by identifying as “trans” or “non-binary” because of what they see in porn. I wrote about this trend for The European Conservative last year; I received so many personal stories in response I wrote a follow-up essay. Girls and women see pornography, too. They see the roles girls are expected to play in our porn-shaped culture. And many have decided that if their femininity makes them a target, they would rather check out of the game entirely.
Wilcox, who works as a counselor, noted that pornography is obviously a major factor in this new study. “Porn is definitely part of story here,” he wrote. “First three students who came to office hours today said they’re writing their paper on effects of porn/’cheap sex’ on young men today. Students: Porn diminishes young men’s interest in real relationships and their appeal in eyes of young women.”
As I have said many times in this space already: Nothing is going to get better until we deal with the problem of online pornography at every level. Individually, as households, as churches, and as a society, we must deal with the fact that a generation is being socialized into the porn industry’s view of sex and sexuality via weapons-grade, addictive content. Many, many young women, some in tears, have told me that they fear they will never find a spouse because pornography use is normative. They want to get married. They just don’t want Pornhub’s version of intimacy.
They have the right to expect so much more. We should listen to them.
