Amber Smith, wife of country star-turned-minister Granger Smith, has opened up about the heartbreak of losing her 3-year-old son, River, and the faith that carried her through it, a story she tells with raw honesty in her forthcoming memoir, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.
In June 2019, the Smiths’ three-year-old son, River, drowned in the family’s pool. The tragedy shattered their world and, for a time, nearly ended it.
Granger has since spoken publicly about the night he almost took his own life, overwhelmed by guilt and despair. Amber recounts that moment in the book, both from her perspective as a wife and mother trying to hold her family together and as a woman learning to trust that God’s goodness could somehow survive catastrophe.
“This book, lots of prayer, lots of tears, lots of Scripture,” she told The Christian Post. “When I was grieving heavily, I was looking to other women who had gone before me, women who suffered with grace and grit and still kept their eyes on the Lord. I wanted to be one of those women.”
“It was all of the emotions,” Amber said. “Cathartic, hard, healing. I learned about myself and about God. Some chapters surprised me; I cried in places I didn’t expect. I’m not a writer, but I prayed through every page. If it turns one person to the Lord, it will have been worth it.”
The memoir isn’t only about grief, she said, but about how to “suffer well” and bring glory to God even in the pit of loss.
“When I decided to write this book, I thought, if there’s a girl on the bathroom floor right now, I want her to look to my story and see that she’s not alone,” she said. “That her bathroom floor moment is not the end. God is still good, even in the darkest valley.”
Amber didn’t grow up in a Christian home, and before River’s death, she and Granger had only recently started attending church. They believed in Jesus, she said, but hadn’t yet surrendered their lives to Him.
“There’s a difference between believing in Jesus and believing Jesus,” she said. “We were living cultural Christianity, we said the right things, but we weren’t fully surrendered.”
But that changed after River’s death. “God brought us through one of the most painful things and opened our eyes,” she said. “Now our lives are laid down for Him. We’re not perfect, but our devotion is to Him. Our focus is on the eternal, not the temporary.”
For Amber, faith has been about daily dependence on God; she described how, in the hospital after River’s accident, she felt “a peace that made no sense.”
“There was this unexplainable peace,” she said. “Looking back, I know it was the Holy Spirit. God was helping us make impossible decisions. He never left. He sent His people to comfort us. That’s how I learned we’re built for community, and God comforts us through His people.”
That peace, she added, has carried her through other losses, including a miscarriage and the recent death of her aunt. “When I faced new pain, I could say, ‘OK, Lord, I trust You.’ Because He brought me through my worst nightmare. I knew I could trust Him again.”
Much of Amber’s grief unfolded online, where social media users, many strangers, dissected her family’s every move. The attacks were vicious at times, often questioning her character as a mother.
“In the beginning, I wasn’t grounded in Scripture, and those words really hurt,” she shared. “But now I can replace those lies with truth, with who God says I am.”
“When people are far from the Lord, out of the heart the mouth speaks,” she added. “It’s really a reflection of their heart condition. So now I just pray for them. The Bible says to pray for your enemies, and that’s what I try to do.”
Still, she acknowledged the toll the comments have taken. “When I see hateful comments now with the book coming out, I have to remind myself: I can’t be surprised. I just have to have grace and focus on what God’s called me to do.”
One of the most challenging passages in Amber’s book recounts her husband’s suicide attempt, a story Granger first shared in his 2023 memoir Like a River.
“I knew he was hurting,” she said. “I knew he was grieving and carrying immense guilt. But I didn’t know it was that bad. I didn’t know it had gotten to that point.”
As a wife, she wrestled with guilt of her own for not seeing the depth of his despair sooner. “It was really hard to hear that,” she said. “I almost lost him, too. But I’m so thankful that I didn’t. The Lord saved him that night. And now, honestly, our marriage is stronger because of what we’ve walked through together.”
For the Smiths’ older children, London, now 14, and Lincoln, 11, Amber and Granger made an early decision: nothing about River’s memory would be off-limits.
“When we came home from the hospital, we told them any emotion they felt was OK,” Amber said. “If they wanted to play, that was OK. If they wanted to cry, that was OK. We let them see us grieve. We kept River’s pictures up. We didn’t shut his room off or stop saying his name. That helped them process.”
Their youngest son, Maverick, now 4, carries a part of River in his own name. “We wanted him to have his own identity, but we wanted a piece of his brother in his name,” Amber said. “It’s beautiful how God wove that together.”
Soon after River’s death, the Smiths launched the River Kelly Fund, a nonprofit that honors their son by helping families and communities in need. Recently, the organization donated $10,000 to Texans affected by flooding.
“It gives me purpose through pain,” Amber said. “We said when we lost him that we were going to find the good, be the good, and bring good from this. We weren’t going to let this loss define our family.”
Giving, she said, brings joy. “Every time his birthday or the anniversary of his passing comes, we do something kind. Seeing the fruit from his little life has helped me find meaning.”
Six years after River’s death, Amber now lives in what she calls “the tension between grief and gratitude.”
“I cried yesterday,” she said. “And that’s OK. It’s OK to still have those hard moments. Just don’t stay stuck there. Grieve your losses, then thank God for the life you have now.”
She quoted John Piper: “Weep over the life you thought you’d have, then wipe your eyes and embrace the life you do have.”
“God has brought us so much joy,” she said. “He’s blessed us with Maverick, with a stronger marriage, with peace. But we still miss River. We still hate the darkness in this world. And that’s OK, because both grief and gratitude can exist together.”
“Death isn’t the end. We weren’t made for this world. One day, we’ll see River again and we’ll see Jesus face to face. He’s our ultimate treasure.”
The Girl on the Bathroom Floor is now available.
Leah M. Klett is a reporter for The Christian Post. She can be reached at: leah.klett@christianpost.com
