Help, my dad is dying, and I don’t know how to prepare

Dear Chuck,

My father was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live another year. I’ve encouraged him (and my mom) to prepare financially for the future, but they refuse to think about it. My siblings and I want to intervene, but we need a plan. How should we go about this?

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Help for Loved Ones

Dear Help for Loved Ones,

I am sorry to hear about your father. My mom died six years ago, and my dad is 92. My brother and I talk to him multiple times each week. We know that his desire is to avoid being a burden to any of us, so he has everything planned for his eventual transition from this life to the next. More importantly, we are at peace on a financial, emotional, and spiritual level. We can talk openly about anything with him, which is a blessing.

It is likely that your parents may be in shock, unable to process the diagnosis, or unsure how to move forward. Hopefully, they are more prepared than you think. I will offer my advice and some Scripture to support a plan to help them.

Biblical advice for setting your house in order

2 Kings 20 begins, “In those days Hezekiah became sick and was at the point of death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him and said to him, ‘Thus says the Lord, “Set your house in order, for you shall die; you shall not recover.”’” If you know the rest of the story, God gave Hezekiah more years, and then he died.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 ESV)

The fact is, each one of us will die, no matter how good our genes are, how devoted we are to exercise and healthy eating, or how advanced medical care becomes. We will all face physical death until the Lord returns. It is wise to live in light of our temporal-ness here.

God has an exit plan for each of us. We just don’t know when or how. That’s why we must prepare.

Make a plan

First, you and/or your siblings need to request a meeting with them in an attitude of humility and service. Let them know you are ready and willing to lovingly help them both. Address any fears that they may have to ensure they will not be embarrassed or pushed into making unwanted disclosures or hasty decisions. Ask them if you can assist them with making a plan for present and future needs.

One of my brothers-in-law did everything he could to prepare his future widow. He had time to make sure everything in the house was in tip-top shape and showed her how to do as much on her own as possible — from changing HVAC filters to replacing sprinkler heads. He secured all accesses to the house, bought her a new car, and had new garage door openers installed. They had lived frugally and were prepared financially, but the little things he did gave her a peace that allowed her to grieve without fear when he passed.

God’s people should not die expecting someone else to pay their bills, take care of their family, or handle after-life decisions. It’s important to have a will and life insurance that will at least cover death and funeral costs. Providing passwords, bank access, lockbox details, and safe codes or keys is essential. This blesses those left behind. Careful planning can help us weather any storm that may come our way.

Record-keeping

One of the most important steps one can take to prepare survivors for the future is to show them how to pay bills and provide important information for banking, insurance, debts, investments, and more. In the midst of medical distractions, it is important to stay up-to-date with finances. It may be beneficial to recruit a family member or hire a trusted advisor to help through a difficult period.

Financial literacy

Men, women, young adults, and teens all need to attain a certain level of financial literacy. Knowledge is a powerful way to gain wisdom and alleviate stress or fear when having to make decisions. We have pulled together some helpful tools to guide you as needed.

If they are managing significant assets or complex investments or expect a windfall from insurance proceeds, we suggest you consider working with a Christian professional advisor. You can learn more at BlueTrust.com and KingdomAdvisors.com.

Finding joy in your sorrow

I applaud you for wanting to help your parents be ready financially for the future. This is a good time to open up about their spiritual condition as well. Consider letting them know that as believers, we have nothing to fear because our future is secured by the promises of God. Consider using Scripture to comfort your mom and dad and point them to the victory secured over the sting of sin and death. While there is sorrow for those remaining behind, there is joy ahead for those joining the Lord in their heavenly home.

“In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also” (John 14:2–3 ESV).

I’d like to invite you and your parents to join a free Crown Bible study on the You Version app. We have several devotionals regarding money and stewardship that can provide encouragement by bringing God’s Word into your daily life.