I’m a professional disappointment — and that’s a good thing

I’ve come to a surprising realization: I’m a professional disappointment. If you’re leading with a clear sense of purpose, chances are — you are too, or you should be.

Leadership brings many rewards: a broader perspective, greater influence, and access to compelling stories. However, it also comes with a cost. As the saying goes, Focus is the art of elimination. Leading well means choosing what matters most, which often requires disappointing others.

One of the most consistent, often uncomfortable costs of leadership is the need to say no — a lot. Saying yes to the right things means saying no to a thousand other good things.

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Because of my role, I receive a steady flow of requests. People request my time, my input, and my connections. I get invitations to review pitch decks, hear business ideas, meet with organizations doing incredible mission work, help someone in a job search, join a committee, or endorse an initiative. Many of these are objectively great opportunities.

I also hear suggestions for what my organization should take on. “You know what you should do?” someone will say. “You should start this, support that — it would make a huge impact!” Sometimes I agree with them on merit. Sometimes I even genuinely like the idea. Still, I often say no.

“No” is a complete sentence. It’s not rejection — it’s reaffirmation of purpose.

When I say no, the response is often the same: “I’m disappointed.”

Early in my leadership journey, those two words were hard to hear. Over time, I’ve come to embrace them. Disappointing people is not a leadership failure — it’s a leadership responsibility.

A pastor once said something that stopped me in my tracks: Jesus completely failed to live up to His potential. In fact, He deliberately wasted His potential. It sounded shocking at first, but it made sense. Jesus had the power to heal everyone, teach more, travel further, and recruit greater numbers of disciples. Yet, He didn’t pursue every opportunity. He did something more important: He fulfilled His purpose.

Instead of saying yes to every opportunity and invitation, Jesus often withdrew to pray while crowds still waited for healing. He rejected the people’s plea to become king. He disappointed others, but He never wavered from His mission.

That’s the model we’re called to follow. Purpose over potential.

I have a personal mission statement. It’s my north star. I have priority pursuit areas — key storylines that guide my commitments. My company has a clear mission statement, too. It keeps us from getting distracted by every great idea or exciting opportunity. We measure everything against our mission. If it doesn’t align, we don’t pursue it — even if it’s a good thing.

This level of clarity makes it possible to lead with conviction. It allows us to say, “That’s a great idea, but it’s not for us,” or “I admire what you’re doing, but I’m not available to be part of it.” If you don’t define your yes, you’ll say yes to everything, which means you’ll be effective at nothing. Do not confuse opportunity with calling or your potential with purpose.

Stephen Covey put it another way: “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Too many leaders let their schedules control them. They say yes to whatever demand lands in front of them. They prioritize whatever feels urgent without stopping to ask if it’s actually important.

Leaders need to learn to say no, even though it means disappointing people. The truth is, if you aren’t disappointing people, you probably aren’t leading effectively.

Again, all we need to do is look at Jesus, who was the perfect leader. He never apologized for focusing on His mission. He never said yes to distractions. He never let the expectations of others pull Him off course. If the Son of God was willing to disappoint people in order to fulfill His purpose, why should we expect anything different?

I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m a professional disappointment. If you’re leading with clarity, focus, and conviction, you’ll disappoint people, too. That’s not failure. That’s faithfulness.

True leadership isn’t about pleasing people. It’s about fulfilling the mission you were called to.