Last week brought fresh proof of Keir Starmer’s uselessness, as he backed creepy US ambassador Peter Mandelson one day, then sacked him the next. The PM doesn’t learn, having dithered over sacking Angela Rayner too.
To be fair, the Labour talent pool is as shallow as a summer puddle. Otherwise he would have ditched Chancellor Rachel Reeves months ago.
Starmer can’t lead, can’t inspire, can’t think on his feet and can’t even lie effectively. The PM pitched himself as a man of probity in contrast to Tory sleaze, while gobbling up more freebies than anyone else at Westminster.
Of course, the biggest scandal is how Labour has destroyed the economy, and that crisis will come to a head in just over two months time on November 26, Budget day.
Reeves, or whoever is actually writing the Budget, has to plug a black hole of anything between £30billion and £50billion.
She must do that without crushing the economy through further tax hikes, whipping up backbenches into rebellion through spending cuts, or terrifying the bond market with yet more borrowing.
If she triggers a bond market crisis or run on the pound, Starmer could go down faster than you can say Liz Truss.
But who could take over? Rachel Reeves? Ed Miliband? Angela Rayner? Stop laughing. None are fit to run the country, although deluded Labour members might decide that Miliband or Rayner are the answer.
That leaves only Andy Burnham, self-styled King of the North and Starmer’s worst nightmare. He had a shot of becoming King of Labour in 2015, but the Jeremy Corbyn insurgency put his leadership bid to the sword.
Burnham has built up his fiefdom as Mayor of Manchester and still fancies his chances, but faces one huge obstacle.
He isn’t an MP. To challenge Starmer, he needs a by-election. Conveniently, Andrew Gwynne’s seat of Denton and Gorton could soon fall vacant.
Gwynne was sacked as a minister and suspended from the Labour Party, and is reportedly preparing to stand down.
Burnham would leap at the chance to inherit a safe constituency and march on Starmer’s throne, but faces two hurdles. First, Starmer’s cronies will surely try to block him from the candidate list.
Handing Burnham a commons berth could sign their boss’s death warrant. Yet the bigger threat may not come from within Labour at all.
Nigel Farage could sink Burnham’s plan without even meaning to.
Reform UK is ripping up the map. In May, Farage’s insurgents seized their first councils and even mayoralties in Greater Lincolnshire and Hull.
Reform are way ahead in the polls, and that’s bad news for Burnham. Because these days, there’s no such thing as a safe Labour seat.
The King of the North might expect to march into Parliament from his Northern powerbase, but Farage’s shock troops could wreck the coronation.
Voters disillusioned with dithering Labour might rally behind Reform purely to block Burnham. Or just for the fun of it.
Any Labour figure who sticks his head above the parapet risks getting it chopped off. Without a Commons seat, Burnham cannot strike, however weak Starmer becomes.
Farage may inadvertently saved the PM. And he’ll be delighted to have done so. Because if Starmer survives to lead Labour into the next election, there will only be one winner. Reform UK.
