The happiest Americans aren’t who you think they are

Ask a teenager today what they want most out of life, and chances are, their answers will sound ambitious and perfectly reasonable.  

A recent Pew Research poll titled “Teens’ Future Plans and Goals” found that 86% of teens say it’s extremely or very important to them to have a job or career they enjoy. Sixty-nine percent say close friendships matter deeply. And 58% say it’s very important to make a lot of money. 

With high school and college graduation season nearly over, most commencement addresses will likely reflect advice helping a young person to think about flourishing in one of these areas.   

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Yet, while these areas are certainly good and worthy pursuits, they don’t hit at the pursuit most likely to lead to the greatest source of happiness.

But what about marriage? Just 36% of teens say getting married is very important. 

This shift may seem unremarkable in a culture that increasingly values autonomy, financial success and self-expression. But there’s a glaring problem: none of those things — on their own — actually lead to human flourishing.  

According to Dr. Brad Wilcox, a leading social scientist and director of the National Marriage Project, the happiest Americans aren’t the wealthiest or the most successful in their careers. They’re not the ones with the largest Instagram following or the most adventurous travel resume. They’re not even the ones with the tightest circle of friends. 

No, the happiest Americans are married, churchgoing and often parents. In fact, the happiest within this group are those who report being in a good marriage. 

This isn’t just nostalgia talking. Wilcox’s findings are grounded in years of data, and they affirm something that’s been proclaimed in Scripture, lived out in tradition and quietly known by millions: sacrificial, covenantal love — especially within marriage — brings a depth of meaning that achievement alone cannot. 

To say this out loud in today’s world feels almost rebellious. We tell young people to chase dreams, prioritize independence and keep their options open. But we rarely tell them that committing to another person and building a life of shared purpose could actually be the surest path to happiness. 

That doesn’t mean career and friendship don’t matter. Of course they do. But we’ve overcorrected so far in our cultural messaging that many young people are now missing the forest for the trees. They’re striving for happiness on paths that, statistically, often leave people lonelier and more disoriented than fulfilled. 

This isn’t a call to rush into marriage, nor is it a dismissal of singleness. But it is a challenge to reevaluate what we tell the next generation about love, commitment and joy. 

Marriage isn’t perfect. No relationship is. But when lived out with faith, sacrifice, and intentionality, it becomes a kind of training ground — a daily “dojo,” if you will — for learning how to love deeply and live purposefully. In Christian tradition, it’s more than a social contract. It’s a sacred path toward knowing and reflecting God’s love. 

That’s not a message most graduates will hear in commencement speeches this year. But maybe it’s the one they most need. 

So, to the next generation: As you begin writing the story of your adult life, don’t overlook love. Don’t sideline marriage as an optional extra. Prioritize the things that will matter most in the end — and lead to joy not just for a moment, but for a lifetime.