Kara Sánchez thought she was honoring her mother in her final years: caring for her through debilitating illness, paying her bills and managing round-the-clock care.
But in a twist shared on a recent episode of Politely Rude with Abby Johnson, Sánchez revealed that after five years of sacrificial caregiving, she discovered her mother had secretly been sitting on nearly $500,000 in cash.
“I had found out that my mom had been living off of my husband and I for five years,” Sánchez said. “She told us she didn’t have any means to support herself. And then I find out she had almost $500,000 in the bank. I felt lied to. I felt like someone had betrayed my trust and my kindness under my roof.”
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Even more devastating, Sánchez recounted what her mother said when confronted: “She told me, ‘Well, when I was pregnant with you, the family wanted me to have an abortion, and I didn’t do it.’ And I thought to myself, so this is my payment for the gift of life?”
The comment, delivered, according to Sánchez, “so casually,” left Johnson stunned.
“That’s the ultimate gaslight,” the host responded.
Listen to the Politely Rude podcast here
The nearly hour-long conversation between Johnson and Sánchez chronicled a life shaped by trauma, mental illness, dysfunction, and ultimately, transformation through Christ.
Raised in a crowded home with 10 family members and a mother struggling with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, a mental illness plaguing 5.9% of the population, Sánchez detailed a childhood defined by unpredictability and emotional isolation.
“My mom left my dad before I was born,” Sánchez explained. “She never let him see me, so he wasn’t a part of my life. … I grew up with 10 people in the house. There was always turmoil.”
The signs of her mother’s mental illness were there, Sánchez said, but no one talked about it. “My family didn’t talk about feelings. You stuffed your feelings down. You don’t talk about it.”
After her grandmother’s death in 1999, Sánchez’s mother spiraled, becoming increasingly dependent on her daughter. “At 19, I was taking care of this grown woman who should have been taking care of me,” she said.
Sánchez’s role as caregiver intensified over the years, especially after her mother moved in during the pandemic. Within three months, her mother suffered a fall that left her permanently disabled. “We thought we were helping her out,” Sánchez said, “and then we immediately turned into caregivers during a pandemic.”
But it wasn’t just the physical demands of caregiving that wore on Sánchez. It was the emotional abuse, the manipulation and the constant sense of walking on eggshells.
“She couldn’t tell me she loved me, but she would write it under Instagram comments,” Sánchez said. “She couldn’t hug me, but she would brag about me to strangers. I can probably count on one hand how many times I hugged my mom in 45 years.”
Sánchez eventually learned her mother had borderline personality disorder, a revelation that helped her make sense of decades of confusion and pain. “By page three of a book called Surviving a Borderline Parent, I was like, ‘Oh my God, I feel like I’m not alone.’”
Yet even as Sánchez tried to do everything right, from counseling to communication and prayer, her efforts were met with resistance and rejection.
“Three times in the last year, I went to her and tried to get closure. I just wanted to know she cared about me. And every time, she shut me down.”
When asked if her mother’s death brought closure, Sánchez replied, “I couldn’t look for that validation in her anymore. I had to just say to myself: I did everything I could. I treated her with kindness, even when she wasn’t kind back to me.”
Through it all, Sánchez said her faith and her marriage became her anchor. A pivotal moment came when a client left her a voice message: “Your mom is the vessel that got you here, but you’re God’s child.”
“That changed everything for me,” Sánchez said. “I didn’t have the mom I deserved, but I do deserve to be here, to be loved and cherished and cared for.”
Johnson praised Sánchez’s strength and vulnerability, calling her “an incredible overcomer” and a model of living with integrity despite unimaginable pain.
“You really are the epitome of not living in victimhood,” Johnson said. “You’ve taken your past and reframed it for your future.”
Sánchez now owns a successful beauty business with locations in Austin and Nashville. Today, she shares her story to help others break the cycles of mental illness, pain and betrayal.
“If one person listening to this has felt at any point during their life like I have,” she said, “they’ll feel in this moment that they’re not alone. And that’s something I didn’t have.”
Leah M. Klett is a reporter for The Christian Post. She can be reached at: leah.klett@christianpost.com
